


I will pull you close ('till no space lies in between)

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Post 12x10, Post Finale, just some soft thasmin content and the hug we deserved tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: A faint whirring echoed across the grass, familiar in a way that made Yaz’s heart seize in her chest. These memories were too much, they were too real, she couldn’t breathe -“Yaz,” Graham said quietly, grip on her elbow tightening. She closed her eyes tighter. She appreciated what he and Ryan were trying to tell her, but she couldn’t do it now, not right after - “Yaz,” he repeated, this time more insistent, and she opened her eyes. Graham was smiling, small and fragile but relieved, and he tilted his head, urging her to turn.The door to a faded blue police box opened, and a battered, beaten figure stepped out onto the grass, coat charred and eyes weary, frantically scanning the area until they finally landed on the small group in the distance. Until they landed onher.or: au where the doctor came back to earth and the last five minutes of that episode never happened
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 28
Kudos: 302





	I will pull you close ('till no space lies in between)

**Author's Note:**

> hi have some late night post finale emotions.  
> contains: fluff, angst, and the hug we all wanted
> 
> title from 'venus' by sleeping at last
> 
> and ty sarah for betaing :)

She should have stopped her.

She should’ve -  _ fuck, _ she should’ve done  _ more. _ She should have done everything, tried everything, tried  _ harder _ -

“We did everything we could, Yaz,” Graham said softly from behind her, and she closed her eyes. She didn’t want to listen to him because maybe that thought was right - in his eyes at least - but she couldn’t make herself agree. They  _ hadn’t  _ done everything. They couldn’t have done enough, because they hadn’t managed to save the Doctor.

And that was what they had set out to do.

A wave of guilt crashed over her and she swallowed down her nausea, brief glimpses of a world without the Doctor flashing up in her mind, a world that seemed worse than before - a little dimmer, a little lonelier, a little bigger and less safe and infinitely less interesting.

Who would tell her about the stars, she wondered? Who would spend mornings staring quietly out at the universe with her, presence gentle and calming and inevitable? Who would look out for them? Who would help her? Who would tell her incredible stories just to amaze her, who would get excited about coming to tea, who would do this and that and more and… The list could go on forever, and she’d never get close to the end.

The Doctor had been unique. She had been incredible. Graham had told her, earlier, that  _ she _ was the most incredible person he had ever met ,  but how could she even begin to compare?

The Doctor had shown them wonders they could never have even imagined but the biggest wonder, the thing that had always captured Yaz’s attention, was her. There was something about her - something special, something that pulled Yaz in and fascinated her, made her heart rate pick up and her stomach flutter and her fingers begin to tingle. She had barely had time to process that feeling before, and now… Her stomach sank, tears springing to her eyes. It was too late. It was far, far too late.

_ ‘We can’t have a universe with no Yaz,’  _ her thoughts whispered, and she fought back a bitter laugh, knowing Graham was still hovering at her elbow, watching her in concern. It would be better to have a universe without her than a universe without the Doctor. The two options could never be the same. She could have given herself up, she could have - 

“Yaz,” Graham repeated, one hand on her elbow, gently guiding her towards the door. It clicked and swung open, allowing the others to make their way outside, met by crisp Yorkshire air and the sounds of children playing in the street, oblivious to the battles raging on thousands of years in the future, and the lives being lost. Ryan tilted his head towards the door, already one step ahead of her, and she followed but the grass felt unfamiliar under her feet and she couldn’t work out why.

This planet was her home, and always would be, but at some point over the past two years she had found another. 

(The Doctor. Always, always the Doctor.)

She inhaled shakily, and it didn’t help.

The Doctor had wanted them to be happy, she told herself firmly. To be safe. To live their lives as well as they could. And yet they were stuck  _ here _ , limited to Earth, heads full of swirling galaxies and alien races and adventures they would never again experience. This life… how could it compare? And these people… how could _ they _ compare? How could anyone compare to the Doctor?

“She did this for us, Yaz,” Ryan said quietly, and Yaz fought back the harsh comment on her tongue.

‘ _ I would do this in a heartbeat,’  _ the Doctor had told them.  _ ‘For you...my fam.’ _

She  _ shouldn’t have. _

She shouldn’t have  _ needed _ to.

They should have stopped this.

“You can’t keep chasing your thoughts round in circles,” Ryan told her, and she bit her tongue. He was right, of course he was right. But right now, she couldn’t find anything else to do. She had spent months trying to convince the Doctor she wouldn’t leave, and she’d never stopped to consider that she might be the one left behind. 

“Come back with us, Yaz,” Graham offered, the expression on his face verging on pity. They had all lost someone who mattered to them today, but despite never having brought it up before or challenged her on her feelings, Graham seemed to know that for her, it was different. He and Ryan had lost a friend - she had lost…something more.

A football rolled across the grass towards them, and Ryan kicked it back. It hit her, suddenly, that she wouldn’t have known what to do. This world felt foreign, as if she couldn’t quite reach it, and she didn’t know how to fix that. 

“Sweetheart,” Graham murmured softly, trying to catch her attention, and she wavered. She would go with him and Ryan, she decided. She wasn’t ready to see her family, not after all this, she needed to wait for the world to become a little less hazy and for the thought that she couldn’t get out of her head to fade. The sun came out from behind a cloud and she closed her eyes again, shifting so her back was facing it.

She wanted it to  _ stop _ . She wanted to be able to think straight and focus and regain some clarity. She needed to press pause on the world for a moment or two until she could catch up, until her heart stopped feeling like it was made of lead and her lungs managed to expand. 

A faint whirring echoed across the grass, familiar in a way that made Yaz’s heart seize in her chest. These memories were too much, they were too real, she couldn’t  _ breathe _ \- 

“Yaz,” Graham said quietly, grip on her elbow tightening. She closed her eyes tighter. She appreciated what he and Ryan were trying to tell her, but she couldn’t do it  _ now _ , not right after - “ _ Yaz _ ,” he repeated, this time more insistent, and she opened her eyes.

Graham was smiling, small and fragile but  _ relieved _ , and he tilted his head, urging her to turn.

She did.

The door to a faded blue police box opened, and a battered, beaten figure stepped out onto the grass, coat charred and eyes weary, frantically scanning the area until they finally landed on the small group in the distance. Until they landed on  _ her. _

Graham was saying something to her left, and Ryan was beaming on her right, disbelief clear as day. She should have waited. She should have stopped, and paid attention to them.

This could be a trap, she thought for a split second, but she couldn’t convince herself to care, breaking out in a sprint instead.

It felt like forever before she reached the Doctor, and yet it also felt like no time at all. Fuck, she looked rough. She looked like she’d been through hell and back ; she looked shaky and uncertain and just as hazy as Yaz felt, but just as relieved too. Her lip was bleeding slightly, cracked and dry and bruised, and at some point they would have to talk about what the Master had put her through, and what it was that had caused that dead, despondent look in her eyes back when they had first found her on Gallifrey.

Later, though. For now, she looked  _ alive _ . And that was enough - that was  _ more _ than enough. It was a miracle that Yaz didn’t know how to believe. 

She didn’t know who moved first, but it was only a split second before the Doctor’s arms were around hers, gripping her tight, desperate for reassurance. Yaz inhaled shakily, and felt the Doctor’s breath against her cheek, hearts beating in her chest, fingers curling desperately into her jacket. She gripped the fabric of the Doctor’s coat, emotions bubbling, wild and uncontrollable. This was real. This had to be real, the Doctor was warm beneath her fingers, beautiful and breathtaking and here in her arms. A choked sob escaped as Yaz rested her face against the Doctor’s shoulder, unrestrained tears falling against her tattered t-shirt.

Her shoulder felt warm, the Doctor’s own silent tears soaking into her jacket. 

She inhaled, the dust and smoke from the ruins of Gallifrey mixing with a smell that was distinctly the Doctor, something she had never thought to notice before. Her eyes began to burn again, and she swallowed, thinking about speaking but knowing she would never manage to force the words she wanted to say past the growing lump in her throat. 

“I’m here,” the Doctor breathed, leaning back slightly and using her thumbs to tenderly wipe the tears from Yaz’s cheeks, not losing contact for a moment. “I’m okay.”

“I shouldn’t have let you go,” Yaz said hoarsely, voice thick with emotion.

The Doctor smiled sadly. “You did everything you could to stop me.”

“I didn’t do  _ enough,  _ I should have - ”

“No.” 

For once, the Doctor didn’t elaborate. Instead she wiped fresh tears away, and slipped her hand down into Yaz’s. “No, okay? Don’t…. Just don’t. I made my own choices, Yaz.”

Yaz hesitated, grip on the Doctor’s hand tightening, world coming a little more into focus. She wanted to argue, but she stopped herself. They could do this later, when their wounds were a little less fresh and the tremors had faded from their fingers. They could do this after they had slept, after they were safe, after they had calmed down and were running off more than adrenaline. She had let enough things slide before now that this really wouldn’t make a difference anyway. 

She exhaled shakily and then nodded, pulling away enough to glance back over to the boys, who appeared to be not-so-subtly giving her and the Doctor some space. “I think they’d like to know you’re alright too,” she said softly, taking a step back, aiming to lead the Doctor back across the grass, over to where their friends were waiting.

The Doctor hesitated.

“Yaz,” she said softly, words almost carried off by the wind. Yaz paused, turning.

The Doctor’s eyes held depths she could never reach, swimming with emotions more complex than she could never understand. It was heart-wrenching to watch all the same. She looked apprehensive, and cautious and uncertain and hesitant, desperate not to get things wrong.

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor eventually murmured, sincerity making tears spring to Yaz’s eyes yet again. She shook her head, squeezing the Doctor’s hand. She didn’t need to be sorry. 

She had been trying to save the universe, after all.

“It’s okay,” Yaz said gently. “Or at least, it will be.”

The Doctor smiled. For once, they both knew it was true.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @z-tomaz


End file.
